If you’re a mom running on coffee and 3 hours of sleep—this one’s for you
Sleep in motherhood has a legendary reputation for being interrupted, elusive, and a bit unpredictable.
Before I became a mom, I thought the sleepless nights would quickly pass and we’d end up with a calm bedtime routine!
That’s not quite what happened. 🙄
What I learned along the way ended up being way more valuable and surprising than any parenting book promised.
Adapting Expectations: What Sleep Means After Kids
I never realized how much I took sleep for granted until I was a brand-new mom. I used to expect a solid eight hours and felt entitled to my bedtime winddown routine. What I actually got was a patchwork of catnaps, midnight feedings, and a running tally of hours since my last proper REM cycle.
It helped to switch up my mindset. Instead of chasing perfection or comparing my nights to everyone else’s, I worked on adapting my expectations.
Sleep is still super important, but how and when it happens changed completely in my motherhood adventure. If you’re a mom feeling overwhelmed, you aren’t alone, and you aren’t doing it wrong. There’s a whole crowd of us figuring out our own paths every night!
Even the “rules” you hear everywhere about baby sleep aren’t set in stone.
Some families have co-sleepers, others swear by the nursery route, and others land somewhere in the middle.
The key is recognizing that normal looks different for each household, and your solution is about what gets your family the rest you all need.
Real Stories: What I Learned From Other Moms
Molly’s Take
Molly is from Minnesota and has three kids who are now 3, 5 and 8 years old. When Molly was a kid, she and her brother co-slept with her mom, even though it was definitely not the norm where she grew up.
“My Dad worked the night shift,” she said, “so my brother and I would pile into the queen bed with my mom. When my Dad got home, early in the morning, he would move us to our own rooms and get in bed with my mom.”
She recalls having very fond memories of sleeping with her mom. “I don’t think we stopped until I was maybe 10 or older,” she said. “It made traveling really easy. We would go visit my grandmother and just sleep in a pile of blankets on the floor together, hunter-gatherer style!”
When Molly had her own kids, her plan was to co-sleep, but her son was (in her words) “the loudest, most annoying sleeper on the planet.” Even at age 8, he is still the worst sleeper in the family. “I think it’s just his sleep personality,”
she said. He has night terrors. He talks. He moves. His feet end up where his head was. “If I put a tracker on him, I bet he’d have 3000 steps in by the morning,” she jokes.
She was never able to figure out side lying breastfeeding, and even after a good nurse, he would not settle. “My husband and I spent a lot of time bouncing him on the yoga ball,” she said. At 6 months she couldn’t take it anymore and they decided to try sleep training.
They tried every method out there, but nothing worked. “He was just a terrible sleeper,” she said. “It really made me question whether we should have another. I didn’t have the courage to even think about it until he was 4.”
Eventually, they ended up having two more, and luckily, they were better sleepers. Now—at 3, 5, and 8—they all sleep together in a queen bunk bed in their own room. “I think it’s nice having them all in one room,” she said, “because they are not scared when they are together, and sometimes they will comfort one another.”
Hannah’s Story
Hannah is from Kentucky and has a 2-year-old boy. In the beginning, she had her son sleeping in a bassinet next to the bed. “We slept okay,” she said, “but not great.”
Her husband was gone for work a lot and one night, when her husband was away and she had the bed to herself, she decided to bring her son into bed with her. “It wasn’t a strategy or anything,” she told me, “I just did it instinctively.”
That night, she got the best night’s sleep she had gotten since bringing him home. “I realized that even the little movement required to lift him out of the bassinet next to the bed wrecked my sleep,” she said, “whereas just lying next to each other made a huge difference.”
Hannah started following some co-sleeping accounts on social media and learned how to sleep in the Ccurl and breastfeed without getting up. When her husband came back, he decided he would just start sleeping separately from the two of them, and that was fine.
She got so good at breastfeeding while lying down that the feeds hardly woke her up anymore. “I feel like my son and I are totally in sync with the timing of our sleep cycles,” she told me. “I usually fall back asleep before he is even done with the feed.
I actually feel better rested most nights than before I had a baby.” She likes to keep toys by the bed so they can wake up slowly together in the early morning. He plays while she sleeps a bit longer and then eventually they get up together. “It’s worked really well for us,” she said.
Building Restorative Routines: What Actually Helped
I went through all the classic sleep advice. Dark rooms, white noise, set bedtime—the works. Sometimes these tricks helped, but nothing was a fix-all. What really made things smoother was focusing on consistency, connection, and flexibility. Here’s what worked for me, and what plenty of other moms say too:
- Predictable Bedtime Winddown: I found that having a consistent (if simple) routine, like a story and a song before bed each night, signaled to my kids that it was time to rest. Even as babies, those small rituals go a long way to soothe everyone’s nerves.
- Gentle Lighting and Calm: Dimming the lights after dinner and steering clear of screens helped set a sleepy mood. I also loved, and still use—a lavender spray on the pillows just for the ritual.
- Flexibility During Growth Spurts: Whenever a sleep regression or growth spurt hit, letting go a little made everything less stressful. Sometimes a later bedtime or an extra snuggle was what we both needed, not a strict schedule.
Within all this, patience and a sense of humor have been crucial. Not every suggestion or hack will work for every child, and that’s okay. Some seasons of motherhood call for schedules, while others need you to just get by.
Common Sleep Challenges and How I Handled Them
Motherhood turned my ideas about sleep upside down. Here are a few tricky moments that stand out, and what I figured out through plenty of trial and error:
Night Wakings and Feedings
Getting up several times a night for feeding was a big adjustment. I survived by making everything as easy as possible; having water, snacks, and clean burp cloths at hand, and setting up a chair that was soft enough so I wouldn’t mind sitting there for a while if needed.
Once I learned to feed while lying down, it was a total game changer.
Having some podcasts queued up on my phone for those long feeding stretches in the dark helped take the edge off and made me feel less alone. Friends shared that switching sides for feeding or holding their babies helped too, even if it led to tingly arms sometimes.
Sleep Regressions
Those famous sleep regressions really do happen. Just when you think your little one’s routine is locked in, their sleep will switch up. Instead of overthinking, I would look for small tweaks that helped, like moving bedtime earlier or adding another nap if they seemed super cranky.
Sometimes, the best option was to ride it out and not panic. It helped once I stopped seeing these phases as problems and more as growth spurts that pass in their own time.
Separation Anxiety
There was a long stretch when my toddler wouldn’t sleep unless I was right next to him. It felt tough at the time, but keeping bedtime calm, staying a bit after they dozed off, and leaving a shirt with my scent in the crib made it much easier for everyone—myself included!
Many parents said singing softly or simply putting on soft music or sound machines worked when anxious spells hit too.
Gear and Sleep Solutions Worth Checking Out
There’s no shortage of baby sleep products, but I found just a few super helpful. Some things on my short list:
- White Noise Machine: Steady noise in the background helps drown out little creaks and household sounds. My favorite model even had a nightlight, perfect for midnight feeds.
- Blackout Curtains: Especially in the summertime, these made a difference in how late the kids slept in—and how easy it was to get them to bed while the sun was still up.
- Comfort Objects: My kids took to soft loveys and small stuffed animals, adding comfort without being bulky in the crib or bed.
Worth mentioning: The best “sleep product” was always a supportive friend who’d reassure me that sleep will return in its own way, and it eventually did.
One bonus tip: sometimes just switching up the bedding or letting your child choose special pajama sets can make bedtime feel inviting instead of a struggle. Creating a positive bedtime association helps more than any gadget when you’re in the thick of it.
Frequently Asked Questions About Sleep and Motherhood
Question: Is it normal if my baby doesn’t sleep through the night by six months?
Answer: Yes. Many babies wake up regularly through their first year or longer. Sleep is a process and every child finds a rhythm at a different pace. Some kids will be late-night party animals for a while, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Question: Should I try sleep training, or is it okay to just keep rocking or feeding my child to sleep?
Answer: There’s no one size fits all. If sleep training methods feel overwhelming, it’s totally fine to stick with what gets everyone the most rest. Some families go the sleep training route, others stick with rocking or feeding. If you need a change, gentle routines and gradual tweaks can help ease the transition.
Question: When does “normal” sleep return?
Answer: For many moms, sleep starts to feel more predictable as kids hit the toddler years, but there are always shifting seasons. With time, you’ll know what works best for you and your family. Expect to find your groove, lose it, and find it again as your kids grow.
Simple Ways to Make Peace With Sleep as a Mom
Making peace with my sleep situation was all about compassion, both for myself and my kids. Here’s what helps me get through the rough patches even now:
- I remind myself that sleepless stretches are just one season among many.
- I find time for rest where I can, even if it’s just an afternoon break to close my eyes for five minutes without guilt.
- I compare less and focus more on what my family needs at this stage. Sleep habits will change again (and again), and that’s okay.
- I try to celebrate the tiny victories—a full hour’s nap, an early bedtime, waking up a little refreshed. They matter more than perfection.
From all the ups and downs, my biggest sleep lesson in motherhood is this: Flexibility, self-kindness, and taking small wins where you find them matter more than any “perfect” routine.
If your adventure looks or feels a little messy, you’re in great company.
Chances are, you’re doing just fine. And when in doubt, check in with other moms; you’ll likely hear stories that mirror your own, and that’s a comfort that beats any piece of advice out there.